Ohio Countdown 2004

2004 Presidential battleground analyzed by a grizzled campaign veteran and Ohio's Top Targeted Undecided Perfectly Predictive Swing Voter - His Mom.


Bush Ups Ohio Ante, Sends Prostitutes

In yet another sign of Ohio's importance in this year's election, a plane load of cheap hookers, its fuselage painted with "Bush Cheney 04", landed at Cleveland Hopkins International Airport last night. 

Over 400 prostitutes pranced out of the jetway and immediately started targeting undecided voters in the concourse.

"I'll take the free blow job," said Frank Climonsky, a Parma, Ohio voter, one of the first to be hit with the new persuasion tactics outside the Starbucks in Terminal C.  "But I think I'm still...un...decided...how many girls got off that plane?"

Heather Kopke, spokeswoman for the gaggle of whores, defended the controversial practice.  "This is a good way to defend marriage," Heather said as she mounted an undecided voter on the baggage carousel.  "A little variety here and there..."  When asked why she supported the Bush Cheney ticket, she responded, "It's a gig."

RNC Chair Ed Gillespie noted to CNN this week that no expense will be spared in Ohio.  "If we have to send a call girl slut to every undecided, pro-life, pro-gun, obese and jobless white male in Ohio, we'll do it."  When asked how they might target undecided women, Gillespie noted, "These girls go both ways...saved us a bundle."


At 5:51 PM, Blogger Sweetie said...

Sweetie, have you been eating paint chips again? You are losing it, but witty as always. Gaggle of whores, I wonder if that phrase has ever been used in the history of literature.... Love ya

At 5:08 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I thought an 'Anthology of modern pros (prose)'
Yer Knooooow!!!

Rule Britannia!

Lord S


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